Mother to mother

I still wonder if the University of Utah made a mistake accepting me into nursing school. Nursing school was very hard to get into, and even harder to make it thru. I loved the U's program. I can't praise it enough. I learned so much. It made me so much stronger in so many ways.
One area it didn't do so great on however was teaching you how to deal with grief. 90% of labor and delivery is so joyous. I get paid to be with people at the happiest times of their lives. The other 10% is gut wrenching. It is so hard to go to work and be a part of these devastating times and then come home and try to shake it off.
Even before you are pregnant you dream of your child. You dream of watching their success. You dream of watching them explore the world and all the joy they will discover. It is an overwhelming feeling.
Last week my young patient and her sweet husband were expecting their second little girl. I was their delivery nurse. When this sweet little girl was born it was obvious to the doctor and I that she had Downs Syndrome. The couple had no idea. When we explained our suspicions, this little mother sobbed. This is an image that will forever be in my mind.
There is a very special moment in every parent's life. Right after your baby is born and they are cleaned up, we place the baby in the mother's arms, and your partner embraces you. It is a moment that I wish could be frozen in time. You are so proud and happy. All you feel is love.
I'm sure this couple felt love, but the fear and sadness darkened this special moment for this couple.
I never know how to react. I am such an emotional person. I went into the patients bathroom and pretended to do something so she wouldn't see me cry. I eventually had to come out, and when I did she could see my face. As a nurse you are looking at technical issues all the time. What are her vitals doing, how is her bleeding, but at this moment I knew it was her heart and soul that needed mending. We just embraced and cried together. Mother to mother we felt each others grief.
When you first meet your patient, you are total strangers. Some patients you might not remember, but others you become so close with and will remember forever.
Their child is beautiful and I know this couple will love her and give her a good life. It's the rest of the world I worry about. The world does not treat you well often if you aren't perfect.
When I have days like this I come home and hold Piper extra tight and remember how truly grateful I am.